Doing Long Distance


Tyler's Posts / Friday, March 2nd, 2018

Family & Relationships

If you’re in your mid to late 20’s and still living with your parents, well I feel you on that. With the unforgiving mountain of student loan debt and unattainable qualification requirements to get a sufficient paying job, how the hell are you supposed to factor rent in there AND still maintain some sort of sanity on a social level? Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with it, as long as you’re not being a potato on the couch. However, I’m sure it’s no secret to your ‘roommates’ that you want out! …but how far out? Now that’s the question. How do you go from the life you’ve always known, still living in the house you most likely spent your entire life growing up in, to moving across the world/country/to another state, you get where I’m going with this.. and still manage to cope when you experience the homesickness that comes with it? You may also be leaving a special someone behind, and it absolutely gets tough, but it’s certainly not unmanageable. How you feel is a choice!

"When you're stoked about moving out and the homesickness kicks in"

Homesickness is a bitch honestly, yet I can’t help but see it as a reminder of who and what really hold true value in your life. Are you sad because you miss your super cool PB Teen styled bedroom that’s been the same since you were 15? Probably not – You’re most likely missing your friends and family, your dog, lord knows I am, your annual traditions, and even just your culture. There are really a million different scenarios and reasons as to why you may be experiencing homesickness, none less significant than the other, but I believe each one can be coped with. It can be especially difficult if the place you’ve moved on to, whether temporary or permanent, is not somewhere you particularly love.

It comes on subtle, and starts with everyday life. You may experience it at different times and in a different order, but eventually it all comes full circle. There’s the shock of financial support, more often than not, you start landing your ass on the concrete as opposed to the cushion mom and dad had in place for you. Suddenly you’re laundry is piling up and no one is coming around to clean it for you. You worked rather late every day this week, yet when you get home there is no dinner waiting, no left overs in the fridge, hell, you haven’t even bought tupperware yet, things just aren’t what you expected.

THIS IS ALL NORMAL, I repeat, THIS IS ALL NORMAL!

If you’re like me then you haven’t left everything sitting in boxes, and you’re well on your way to setting up your ‘nest’, this is an exciting new adventure and a stepping stone to your future after all! You may have just not quite gotten into the rhythm of this new lifestyle yet. I find that lists help with everything, groceries, unpacking, house items, to do lists, goals list, I mean EVERYTHING, and making a schedule for yourself might help ease the transition into your new routine. I personally really like using planners, no they aren’t just made for school, you can absolutely use them to keep organized in everyday life as well, or if you’re more on the tech side, there are countless applications to keep your organized, and even provide reminders!

Now you’ve found your place in your new home, starting to get the hang of this dinner and laundry routine, and everything seems copasetic. Before you know, holidays are jingling right around the corner. Suddenly this feeling of FOMO, fear of missing out, and missing your friends and family starts creeping up on you. This is still completely normal. It sucks, it does, but there are ways to cope, as I’ve now said about 50 times, because it’s true!! Facetime is the best invention when you’re away from your loved ones! If you’re in a new country, that doesn’t celebrate some of the traditional American holidays, you should absolutely still celebrate, even if you only have your cat to do it with! Making new friends and new traditions is a great way to cope with homesickness, and a must when you’re getting established in a new place. What about your long lost lover you haven’t seen in a few months, and you just miss oh so much? Let’s discuss…

FaceTime kisses edit

Often, I find that people I know, and sometimes even people I just met, seek out advice on long distance relationships. Lucky for them, I like to think I have just a little bit knowledge on the subject, though I'm certainly no expert. With a slew of past unsuccessful long distance relationships, plus having an overseas professional basketball player, that also happens to live 2.5 hours away from me when he is back in the states, for a boyfriend, gives me just a 'little' bit of credibility on the subject. The advice I'm prepared to give on some of the do's and don't's to a successful long distance relationship is solely based on my personal experiences and opinions.

The foundation to successfully managing a long distance relationship is built on the same principles for having any other 'normal' relationship. That includes love, trust, communication, and willingness to work through it, all of it. If you don't have that, you're most likely just wasting your time honestly and probably won't want to read the rest of this post. Sorry, but it had to be said.

When considering a long distance relationship, it's crucial to exercise a healthy dose of communication. This communication should include, but is not limited to discussing expectations for the time apart, as well as undeniable realities of how it might actually be. Also, discussing when you'll be able to talk/catch up/touch base, depending on how much you already do so, and how you can equally work around the time difference, if there is one. If you’re a couple that didn’t previously live together, and talked quite a bit, it’s going to be very different at a distance, but manageable if both parties are willing to make the sacrifices, an imperative word in long distance relationships, it is the core to really making it work.

Web Diagram Long Distance

I know, I know why tf is she showing us web diagrams... but hear me out. Above is a little something I put together to provide a visual to my take on long distance relationships I like visuals. I have found, through my personal experiences, that trust and communication played the two biggest factors in the success of my long distance relationship. Love and will to be together came easy to us, and luckily didn’t create any animosity through our time apart. Communication had its complications, as there was a time when Donovon was actually on the other side of the world, in Australia, and we were battling with busy schedules and a 12-hour time difference, talk about a challenge, but we made it work! Very early on in our relationship, Donovon and I established an impeccably durable foundation of trust, making that particular factor a piece of cake. Neither one of us was stuck home, holding back from their lives, plans, friends, parties, just to prove their loyalty. I was working on me, and he was working on him, and we happily shared our journeys together, that is until I moved out to Australia four months later. Before Australia, there was England for a short while, and before England there was our everyday long distance experience, of growing up in and still living in entirely different states. We’ve also just been able to make that work. Little reminders like a scrapbook, or compilation videos of your favorite moments really make it things a bit easier too! Quite frankly, at this point we’re so far up each other’s asses now, we’d both love some distance LOL.

In short, do be patient, don’t jump to conclusions, do take time for your own journey, and don’t be neglectful of your partner. No one long distance relationship is any less trying, or difficult than the next, but each one takes two people, that really want it, and are willing to make it work together, no matter how crazy you may make each other! Will power is a strength each and every one of us possesses, yet some are just unsure of how to awaken it. Test your will and test your strength, like it or not, life will always test you anyway.

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